Do women like feminine men who make them feel girly? This seems like an easy question to answer, on the surface. But that is not exactly what it is.
Although, the whole world — or social media — is keen on smashing, in Mona Eltahawy’s words, the patriarchy; male dominance is still very much in fashion.
Research shows that when it comes to romantic relationships, women seem to have a preference for men who can dominate them and make them feel girly. In other words, women want a Father Figure, a Daddy, Zaddy, and not a simp, in Twitter-speak. And this fact is as biological as it is cultural.
The kind of men women love
Try to picture the cover of a romance film. Normal would be seeing a taller man and a woman locked in an embrace; her head placed on his shoulder.
To an unassuming person, this picture might not really mean a thing. Because it is the normal way of things. But pictures like that re-establish the cultural foundations of male dominance.
Coming at such a time as this one where gender issues are discussed vociferously, and men are constantly urged to get in touch with their feminine side, people might raise eyebrows at such views.
But a cross-section of women questioned privately would reveal that they would rather be in relationships with men who can hold their own, take decisions and remain stoic during emotional meltdowns.
Even when it comes to asking ladies out, the “bad boys” are far more successful. The self-help book, No More Mr. Nice Guy, curates the real-life experience of guys who have suffered rejections even though they were nice. We could even say the Friend Zone is the social habitat of nice, feminine guys.
Do women like men who make them feel girly?
As clinical psychologist and professor of psychology at the University of Toronto, Jordan Peterson, simply puts it: women are not attracted to harmless men.
This, however, does not mean that women want nasty men. Masculinity isn’t inherently toxic.
“Women don’t even like harmless men; they hate them. They like to claw them apart. What women want are dangerous men who are civilized; and they want to help civilize them. That’s Beauty and the Beast…” Jordan Peterson said.
But dominance isn’t always physical or biological. The world has significantly changed now and men do not (always) have to physically fight for space or mate or what have you. Dominance now means a host of other things — wealth and position, for example. Or high intellect.
This is even more obvious when you consider the fact that, although the book, Fifty Shades of Grey, was released in an era so vocal about male dominance, it continues to thrive and is probably one of the fastest selling books in human history.
There has to be a correlation: does Grey fit the picture of the ‘adored’ feminine men?
A feminine man, in this era, would also include a man who is deadbeat just as much as weak men incapable of stamping their authority (thereby relinquishing the Man of the House title). You will agree with me that it is almost impossible to emasculate a wealthy man.
In a recent survey conducted by Posh and Venus, 65% of the Nigerian women polled said their partners behaved more like women.
Quick question to women: what would be your reaction if your man weeps in your presence?