Is your partner ignoring you for no reason? Because one deserves the silent treatment, we thought to share some tips.
The very first days of a relationship are the most thrilling. After a couple of weeks or month though, the spark naturally starts to fizzle out. You become more conscious of the fact that you are spending hours on the phone and you no longer play that cheesy call game where you both plead with each other to hang up.
Yes, interest wanes over time. And the eagerness of some men to rekindle the romantic fire sends them into splurge mode. They start to shower their partners with gifts just to win back their love. It is a sweet thing if it happens in a Telenovela but in real life? Bad move.
Why? Aren’t gifts one of the many love languages? Yes, they are. But giving gifts when your woman starts to distance herself or act up is setting a wrong precedent. In time, she will become a little too comfortable repeating that act. She will also see you as clingy. And being clingy is not one of the most admirable qualities.
So when should gifts be given?
For a gift to be effective, it should be given as a reward for showing good behavior. Say when your partner is promoted at her place of work or when she treats you to a Weekend Special dinner. This sets a tone and motivates her to do even better.
In psychology, this practice is called the Operant Conditioning. Good social relationships of any sort — be they romantic or casual — are fostered by behaviours. And behaviours can be reinforced or erased. Instead of being the super bossy partner who barks orders and reels out do’s and dont’s, one can subtly condition their woman into performing good acts by reinforcing them.
Is your partner ignoring you for no reason? Here’s how to handle it
The Operant Conditioning operates based on two major principles — good actions are rewarded, bad actions are punished. Punishment here is not of the physical. The simple act of withdrawing attention could serve as punishment.
For one to be able to reward his partner, he needs to understand first what his partner likes. The rewards could be as grand as a big vacation or as minute as a smile or a peck on the cheek.
Rewards or punishments should also be handed after the good/bad act is done — never before. A man should not expect to influence any behavioral change by being withdrawn just for the sake of it. That’s an unhealthy attitude, and would only succeed in making the woman feel alienated.
To preserve the potency of the reward, the gifts should be varied every now and then.
Women tend to be dramatic. Sometimes, they behave in a way that’s annoying just to gauge your reaction. It is a survival mechanism. A woman likes to feel protected, so if the man treats her misbehavior with indifference or pampers her for it, she would start to doubt the man’s ability to be firm in the face of any external abuse.
What then should we do when our partners start to lose interest?
The first piece of advice is: work on yourself as a man. Improve your value to the extent that your partner wouldn’t ever consider losing interest in you. However, if your partner starts to sulk, ignore calls, or reply slowly to texts for no apparent reason; give her space. You are not an option. You are the bag! Secure yourself.