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Why Women Are Rarely the First to Say “I Love You” in a Relationship

Who was the first to say “I love you”? Was it you? Or boo/bae? These three little words can quickly change the ambiance of the room. It can either heat up the room or push in the cold air of rejection if it does not meet a positive response.

It is often sweet to be told that you are loved, especially when it is not just words. But words backed up with action. Those who are into public display of affection often find a way to blow us all away with tender gestures. To hear words like “I love you” right after a call or just before temporarily departing from a partner is just sweet.

While it is true that women are often the first to catch feelings, are they always the first to profess love? Not exactly. A study found that men are more likely to say “I love you” first in a relationship. 89 out of 100 Nigerian men questioned, admitted they said “I love you” first to their girlfriends.

Winning a woman over to your side is easy because women live in their heart. They are wired to respond to kind and affectionate words, and gifts, but much of this response is not verbal. It is in the green lights they show the potential mate. The longer hugs, the soft touch, learning to cook his favorite, wanting to hang out more often and those other subtle signs.

But why is this so?

Due to cultural norms and societal restrictions women prefer to keep mute about their feelings until the man who catches their fancy notices them. This seems to be one of the downsides of being a woman. Having to wait until you are asked or to take the risk of seducing your way through to a man’s heart. After which you are proving your worth for the rest of the time.

May women cannot handle rejection. It would break them down and drain them of self-confidence. So, they prefer not to take the risks. They just stick around and just hope they might get lucky and be loved back. Or that this man in whom they see a potential partner is not so color blind not to see their green lights, after all.

We might think that the fast-spreading feminism gospel should have made making the first move easier for women. But look at the number of times a woman has gone on one knee and held out a ring to a man who did not see a relationship heading for marriage. The embarrassment and the ridicule which followed is enough to dissuade other daring women.

Thing is, men are slower at processing their emotions than women. Men put a bit of logic into everything. They want to balance out their feelings and be sure that this is something they really want. This is what differentiates playboys from serious men. Serious men do not just jump on the wagon. They might be slow in getting on the same page with the woman who loves them.

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